Joke of the day

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Riebens on Sat 28 Jan 2012 - 15:54

lol! lol! lol!

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Guest on Sat 28 Jan 2012 - 15:59

Fudpalm lol! lol!

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by sa_admin on Sun 29 Jan 2012 - 0:56

biggrin
cheers
! Brilliant !

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Fuffud on Mon 30 Jan 2012 - 12:25

XD Thats brilliant Very Happy

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Guest on Tue 31 Jan 2012 - 16:52

She:
Yesterday I headed out with my friends to a party. I told my husband that I will return at midnight. But the party was fantastic, and it was so great that I forgot the time. When I returned home, it was 3 o'clock in the morning. I enter the apartment as quite as a mouse. Opening the door, I hear that damn cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Then I realized that my husband is in bed and can be wakened so I cuckooed another nine times. I quickly lied down and fell asleep with the idea of how smart I was.
In the morning while having breakfast, my husband asked when I returned from the party. And so I replied exactly at midnight, as I promised. He said nothing and it did not look as if he had any suspicions. My husband looked at me after a while and said. "You know, we have to replace our cuckoo clock." I grow pale with fear and asked humbly, "Yes, and why, darling?" And he said, "You know, last night it cuckooed three times. Then I do not know how it did it - cried “O God!” Again cuckooed four times, vomited in the hallway, still cuckooed three times and fell on the floor laughing. After that it cuckooed once again and stepped on the cat and bumped into the table in the living room. Then told me to fuck off and collapsed next to me in bed. After it cuckooed the last time, it began to snore!

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by sa_admin on Tue 31 Jan 2012 - 17:00

Purely Awesome ! Like a Star @ heaven

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Riebens on Tue 31 Jan 2012 - 18:24

lol!

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Seqan on Tue 31 Jan 2012 - 18:28

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. So he asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500,” he says. This catches the senior’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?” The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?” The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, “Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Riebens on Tue 31 Jan 2012 - 18:45

lol! Don't underestimate the old people

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by sa_admin on Tue 31 Jan 2012 - 19:38

cheers Like a Star @ heaven

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Trinity on Wed 1 Feb 2012 - 6:11

lol! Thumb Up

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Raiden on Wed 1 Feb 2012 - 12:15

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by sa_admin on Wed 1 Feb 2012 - 12:36

Always wanted to make my wife understand that Razz Thx for the "How-to" !! Thumb Up

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Trinity on Wed 1 Feb 2012 - 15:22

cheers

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Raiden on Fri 3 Feb 2012 - 11:42

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?"

The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"

His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?"

"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."

Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?"

The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye."

The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?"

The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook."

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Guest on Fri 3 Feb 2012 - 11:45

Facepalm lol! lol! ... and this facepalm is for me bcs I needed time before understand lol!

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Raiden on Sat 4 Feb 2012 - 14:15

Two bowling teams charter a double-decker bus; they're going to Atlantic City for the weekend. One team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other team is in the top of the bus. The team down below is whooping it up when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the top. He walks up the stairs, and here are all the guys from the second team clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared to death.

He says, "What the heck's goin' on? We're down here havin' a grand old time."

One of the guys from the second team says, "Yeah, but you guys've got a driver."

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Trinity on Sat 4 Feb 2012 - 14:19

affraid lol!

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by sa_admin on Sat 4 Feb 2012 - 16:07

Double-decker passengers FAIL !!! lol!

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Michael on Sun 5 Feb 2012 - 8:36

rofl, it is a bit scary to go on top deck... even for normal non stupid people... when the bus turns on a corner, (if you are at the window seats) you can look straight down at the street as the bus bends to one side \ \ , and you are like "Oh fvck fvck fvck fvck don't fall over now !! "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by FANTA5M1C on Sun 5 Feb 2012 - 23:23

A pan of muffins is baking in the oven. Suddenly one muffin turns to another and asks,
"Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?
The second muffin turns to the first and says,
"OH, MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!"
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Riebens on Sun 5 Feb 2012 - 23:25

lol! Trophy

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Raiden on Mon 6 Feb 2012 - 1:51

biggrin

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Raiden on Mon 6 Feb 2012 - 6:13

Here are some actual humorous statements by airline flight crews:

"Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I can`t imagine."

"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to a seat outside on the wing of the airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

Flight attendant: To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don`t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn`t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults ac ting like children."

Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it`s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

At the end of a flight: "Our flight attendants are now walking through the aisles with trash receptacles for any garbage you might have or anything else that you might wanna give us!"

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

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Re: Joke of the day

Post by sa_admin on Mon 6 Feb 2012 - 11:16

lol!

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Re: Joke of the day

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